Ourosboros

I think I have a crush on Fiona Apple. I had to get that off my chest.

I feel better now.

. . .

America’s obsession has reached new heights when local news has a section dedicated to Celebrity Gossip. That’s not capitalized on accident either I really think it’s going to be a college major soon. I would major in it even because it would be totally easy and you’d get to watch TV all day. There’s also plenty of it to go around – like Science[1].

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are stupid. They are famous for being on a show that was about nothing. It was literally about the talentless people that are trying to get onto shows. Viewers actually watched a SHOW starring people who weren’t good enough to get onto ACTUAL SHOWS.

That’s like a crazy ourosboros thing.

They met on The Hills and chemistry ensued as it always does when two generically attractive yuppies meet. We cared so much about the future of these two that they never really left the public eye. Their wedding was going to be televised before it was cancelled which really bummed me out. I wish my friends would televise their weddings so I didn’t have to use up all my vacation days flying all over God’s green earth to attend theirs.

Something magical occurred – I like to call it The Ashlee Simpson Phenomenon. This occurs when someone in their Hollywood Laboratory decides that someone is going to be famous no matter what. It’s the new royalty.

Regardless of your:

- talent level

- negative reviews

- botched public appearances

- shows about how sad you are that your hotter sister is famous and your not

- controversial plastic surgery

- species

- cookie intake

- other stuff too

You are going to be famous because someone said so. I would like to point out that the Ashlee Simpson Phenomenon is not connected to the well-known pop star.

Heidi Montag will be a pop star. Don’t even worry about it because it’s going to happen in there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t fight it. It’s futile. You will be flipping through a stinky magazine one day and realize that the stink you smell is from Heidi Montag’s new fragrance[2]. Even if she sucks. Even though her atrocious music video is being laughed at by millions for all the wrong reasons. In fact, it might be BECAUSE she’s being laughed at by millions.

The future is coming and it’s going to be Heidi Montag.

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[1] That’s not capitalized on accident either.

[2] Yes it will probably be called Higher but it would be way awesomer if it was called Pratt.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pratt&defid=1202659